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I’m going to try not to cry as I type this. Haven’t felt like this in a long time. Feeling stagnant, under appreciated and underpaid. I’ve struggled with balancing my competitiveness and jealousy. Watching my peers or people of my age do significantly better than I am, makes me feel a whole lot shittier. Always been a bright kid, never thought I’d be the one struggling to earn good money. Trying to make sense of this passion versus money situation in my head. Life never seem fair enough. Never one to have the heart to hurt a life, but never seem to get blessed for a good heart, bad luck seems to always come my way. Tried to manifest good luck and positivity, only to have bad news coming back to me. So hard to believe in the good when all you have is the bad. Feels like I have only myself to lean on amid this dark journey. Constantly wondering when all these will end. Hanging on is all I can remember, starting to wonder if this is worthwhile, getting tired of holding on. Life doesn’t seem as precious as it should be, just another day. Everything is meaningless, chasing money, chasing happiness, nothing is enough. Nothing fills my heart.
